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Domestic Abuse & Gaming the System and Tragic Implications

Updated: 1 day ago

The above title shouldn’t really come as any surprise given that we are dealing with human nature and vested interests.   We all know that Domestic Violence and Abuse is a huge problem in our society, but do many of us understand how this issue affects men?  


“Domestic Abuse” is behaviour that someone uses in a relationship to deliberately dominate, threaten, coerce and control someone else.   Any person can be a victim of this kind of behaviour whether they are a man, woman or another gender identity.    Men can experience Domestic Abuse from a partner or a former partner in heterosexual or same-sex relationships.   


Domestic Abuse against men is perpetrated by both men and women, as well as people of other gender identities.  Domestic Abuse against men can include physical violence, as well as emotional and psychological bullying, sexual violence or financial control and abuse.  


A man who is being Abused may experience some or all of the following behaviours: 

·      Bullying: Mocking, humiliation, insults, criticism 

·      Control: Being checked up on, followed, or stalked 

·      Threats: Intimidation, attacks or violence 

·      Destruction of their possessions 

·      Isolation: Being stopped from seeing family and friends 

·      Being forced into sex  

·      Having money taken or controlled 

·      Lying, blame and denial of the abuse 


Men who experience Domestic Violence and Abuse are not to blame, no matter what the perpetrator of the abuse may say.   Men who are being Abused may feel ashamed or afraid of judgment by others, but it does not make a man ‘weak’ or less ‘manly’ if they experience abuse. Domestic Abuse is always a choice by the perpetrator. 


Men who experience domestic abuse are not alone and it is always okay to ask for help. 


It is equally evident that some parents raising false allegations of Domestic Abuse in order to qualify for legal aid whilst genuine victims find themselves up against lawyers funded by the state and have to fully fund any representation themselves and often have to wait months or even years for a proper hearing to contest the allegations and, in the interim often denied all contact with their own children as support agencies often fail to recognise the abuse of men and overlook cases involving female abusers.  


Have you ever wondered why Domestic Abuse is routinely portrayed as a gendered crime and simply assumed “they must” be guilty, whereas the truth is that 1/3 of domestic abuse victims are men, according to the Office for National Statistics.   Despite such significant proportion of male victims who often are silenced by the hostility and disbelief they encounter when opening up and or reporting their experience to the police and or safeguarding services.  


Tragic implications of this unfortunate failures are that children, precious and vulnerable continued to be used as a weapon and ferociously psychologically harmed in this emotional vortex and or process…   


From our research it was shocking to learn from ManKind Charity as their 2021 report stated that out of 238 refuge spaces for victims of Domestic Abuse, only 58 were committed to supporting male survivors.   TTI also cite: “The female helpline told him that they could not offer him any help as they did not have the funding to support male victims”


As seen, the social stigma surrounding Domestic Abuse is even stronger when the victim is a male and the perpetrator is a female where even professionals such as doctors can dismiss the fact that Domestic Abuse has no gender, meaning the lack of empathy and support stops male victim seeking further help as there is simply no recognition of male position as a victim of Domestic Abuse.   

Do you think that timely judicial decisions based on facts and evidence and by using highly trained experts could restore confidence and most importantly, justice? 

Speak to us, give us feedback and share stories.

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