A Different Kind of Battle

Multiple studies (including the Ministry of Justice Harm Panel Report 2020) found that family courts routinely failed to protect real victims of domestic abuse and has been acknowledged that systemic failings do exist. 

Themes you may notice in the UK:

• MP Lucy Allan raised family court corruption concerns in Parliament. Lets break down what "corrupt" can mean in family court:

  
  

  • Bias and Favoritism - Some judges might assume mothers should always get custody, no matter the facts — or, in some places, the opposite.

  • Family courts often involve lots of paid professionals: lawyers, custody evaluators, guardian ad litems (child representatives), therapists, mediators and the longer a case drags on, the more money flows — incentivising long, ugly battles instead of quick resolutions.

  • Judges in family court usually have enormous discretion.

  • Appeals are very difficult — it's hard to challenge bad decisions unless you have major proof of wrongdoing.

  • There’s often no jury, no cameras, and minimal public scrutiny.

  • Two families with very similar facts can walk into different courtrooms and get completely different results, depending on the judge’s mood, personal opinions, or random factors

  • Sometimes real abuse victims (parents or children) aren't believed, and abusers are given custody.

  • Other times, accusations of abuse are wrongly used as weapons to get custody.

  • Family court isn't always good at telling the difference — and the wrong call can destroy lives and when speaking out can get y ou punished under contempt of court laws.

  • "Experts" hired by courts — custody evaluators, therapists, supervised visitation centers — are supposed to be neutral, but they can be biased, lazy, or even corrupt themselves.

  
  

• Highlighted cases where social workes fabricated evidence to justify removing children and twisted the truth despite fact being presented to all parties including Judge.

• Allan and other MPs called for a full public inquiry into family court practises and the social services system where UK Family courts have long been criticized for being closed to the public - meaning hearings happen in secret, and reporting is restricted. This secrecy has been accused of covering up mistakes, bias and even wrongful removal of children from parents and parents are gagged from speaking out, even when injustices happen.

• Highlighted the abuse of secrecy laws to hide bad court decisions

• In 2024, pilot projects started allowing some family court cases to be reported by journalists, but full transparency is still limited.

In the light of the above, the outcome is that system is deeply flawed — enough that even good people can get caught in a nightmare they can't escape. However, not every judge or lawyer is crooked and not every famaily court is corrupt.

We know that reform is slow and public pressure is growing, which brings us to the different kind of battle.

As they say, family court is a marathon, not sprint and with this moto comes hyper-vigilance - you start living in "fight or flight" mode — constantly alert, defensive, bracing for the next attack and over time, your mind and body just shut down from the overload.

This comes from emotional exhaustion and burnout from continuous battle, even after the case has been concluded where one parent continuously alters final court order (FCO), continuously make allegations without factual support, hinders quality time between a child and the other parent, not knowing if you will see your kids due to parental alienation and the story goes on...

The bottom line is:

The battle outside court room continues, constant conflicts and even if you are not figting every day, tension never leaves, you cant relax because one "wrong" move can be used against you, the control from a narcisistic parent has no boundaries, you are feeling detached and or emotionally numb and feeling like you are failing no matter what you do leads to burnout.

Burnout doesn’t mean you’re weak!

It's your mind and body saying: "I can't keep operating at this emergency level anymore." It means you’ve been fighting too long for your children, too hard, without enough backup and yet you feel invisible, powerless, and betrayed by the system that’s supposed to help you. Thats a special kind of emotional destruction.

Stages of Emotional Burnout:

• Idealism ("I can handle this") - Full of energy, ready to "fight fair" and stay strong.

• Resistance ("It’s getting harder, but I'll push through") - Starting to feel stressed but still hopeful it will end soon.

• Frustration ("Why is nothing working?") - Seeing no real progress; beginning to lose patience and optimism.

• Apathy ("Nothing matters") - Losing motivation, feeling detached even from things you care about.

• Collapse ("I can’t do this anymore") - Emotional shutdown, physical symptoms, withdrawal from everything.

Symptoms of Deep Burnout:

• Brain fog — trouble concentrating, forgetfulness

• Indecisiveness — even simple choices feel overwhelming

• Constant overthinking — can't "shut your mind off"

• Negative thinking — assuming the worst, seeing no way out

• Loss of motivation — stuff you used to care about feels meaningless

Behaviour Symptoms:

• Procrastination — avoiding tasks because everything feels overwhelming

• Substance use — increased alcohol, caffeine, drugs to cope

• Emotional outbursts — sudden crying, yelling, or anger

• Neglecting self-care — skipping meals, showers, exercise

• Isolation — pulling away from family and friends

How to Start Healing?

And we say start because burnout healing is a process, not a weekend vacation

• Micro-breaks: Even 5 minutes a day to do nothing meaningful (sit in the sun, listen to a song, deep breathe).

• Radical boundaries: You don't have to answer every text, email, or jab from your ex or their lawyer. Protect your energy like it’s gold.

• Honor your anger and grief: Don't "stuff it down." Let yourself rage, cry, journal, scream into a pillow — whatever helps you process it.

• Reconnect with something outside court: A hobby, a faith, nature — something that reminds you who you are beyond the battle.

• Ask for help, unapologetically: Whether it's therapy, a support group, or even leaning on friends more than you usually would — you matter too.

• Forgive yourself: You are not "weak" because you're exhausted. You're human. You've been at war without armor.

The importance and the Truth - You don’t have to hit rock bottom to take burnout seriously.

Catching it early — even at the "I’m just really tired" stage — can save you from a much deeper collapse later.