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Gaslighting Techniques and Trusting your Intuition

Updated: Apr 15



If you don’t know anything about Gaslighting we can tell you that is a form of Emotional Abuse. 


Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation and causes the victim to begin to doubt their own reality and the point of gaslighting is to really confuse the hell out of us normal people. That way you don’t trust to what we all are referring such as “gut feeling” and or “intuition”.    And as soon as we are entangled with them, we spend more time worrying about how to deal with them than we do running our own lives.


The part that makes it so convincing is really where the mask comes off and you get to see the signs of pathological lying in the abuser.   Surprisingly, they will even lie to people who already know the truth about what they are saying.    


They simply want to convince you that your memories and your thoughts are wrong, such is the power of manipulation and or gaslighting.  


In this tactics, abuser will tie us in knots for months, years or even decades and while they are doing that, they are causing us emotional harm and often financial harm – harm that we are unlikely to ever recover from.   They either deny certain things, twist words around, constantly meddling or conform a story that doesn’t really match yours, getting upset if you make a decision – any decision – and in general, micromanaging you.  All of this is to get you ponder and ask questions where you simply begin to question your own reality, question your intuition and the ultimate goal is to make you doubt yourself - they want you to doubt how you feel and perceive situation to be the reality of situation. 


So how this affects non toxic and or non narcissistic person from a mental point of view:

 

  • Given the emotional abuse and allowing someone to coerce you and or allowing them to control you, you are becoming co-dependent on what someone else thinks and feels instead of what you think and feel. 

  • You are being programmed and or groomed, whatever you want to call it in order to lose your sense of self.  

  • Ultimately you are creating that low sense of self, low confidence, insecurity, co-dependent type and you are relying on abuser to tell you how you feel and think and as a side effect of this, you will form anxiety, isolation, depression, social isolation – not wanting to be around other people and that causes mental issues.  

 

So how do we protect ourselves from this emotional abuse? 


  • Know your audience, seek consistency, getting to know a person over time whether this is four weeks, six months or a year as everyone shows their colours eventually because people cant play characters for too long.


Some of the signs to look for but not limited to:


  • Lying to you: People who engage in gaslighting are often habitual and pathological liars and frequently exhibit narcissistic tendencies. It is typical for them to blatantly lie and never back down or change their stories, even when you call them out or provide proof of their deception. They may say something like: "You're making things up," "That never happened," or "You're crazy.

  • Discrediting You: People who gaslight spread rumors and gossip about you to others. They may pretend to be worried about you while subtly telling others that you seem emotionally unstable or "crazy." Unfortunately, this tactic can be extremely effective and many people side with the abuser or bully without knowing the full story. Additionally, someone who engages in gaslighting may lie to you and tell you that other people also think this about you. These people may have never said a bad thing about you, but the person who is gaslighting you will make every attempt to get you to believe they do.

  • Distracting you: When you ask a someone who gaslights a question or call them out for something they did or said, they may change the subject by asking a question instead of responding to the issue at hand. This not only throws off your train of thought but causes you to question the need to press a matter when they don't feel the need to respond.

  • Shifting Blame: Blame-shifting is another common gaslighting tactic. Every discussion you have is somehow twisted to where you are to blame for something that occurred. Even when you try to discuss how the abuser's behaviour makes you feel, they're able to twist the conversation so that you end up questioning if you are the cause of their bad behaviour. For example, they may claim that if only you behaved differently, they would not treat you the way that they do.

  • Using Compassionate Words as Weapons:  Sometimes, when called out or questioned, a person who gaslights will use kind and loving words  to try to smooth over the situation. They might say something like, "You know how much I love you. I would never hurt you on purpose." These words may be what you want to hear, but they are inauthentic, especially if the same behaviour is repeated. That said, they may be just enough to convince you to let them off the hook, which allows the person to escape responsibility or consequences for their hurtful behaviour.


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