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Relationship with the Narcissist or is it a Vortex with no escape ?

Updated: 1 day ago

Being in a relationship with a narcissist, whether this is a partner, family member or someone you work with is like constantly being sucked into a vortex where there is no way out. Narcissists know what and whom they want. They marry those who will keep them filled with narcissistic supplies.

Their qualifications for spouse include but not limited to:

  1. Physical beauty

  2. Professional achievements

  3. Polished social skills

  4. Impressive family credentials

A compliant temperament and willingness to absorb inordinate amounts of narcissistic abuse but not limited to:

  1. Full throated volcanic rage

  2. Blatant lying and withering humiliations (public and private)

  3. Taking orders is another role of the non-narcissistic spouse

  4. Delusional narcissistic demands flow endlessly

As we know, a vortex is a gravitational pull that draws you into its centre – It can be a way of life that is “irresistibly engulfing.”

The narcissist is the central force in this case. They charm and magnetise those they have chosen to become their human possessions. Those who are taken in by the narcissist believe that they have found someone who can make them feel financially secure and important as an elite member of the narcissist’s inner circle are swept up and fuse with the narcissist. They equate financial status and material perks with emotional security. They are trapped in the narcissistic vortex. These pseudo relationships work on a surface level if you have one narcissist marrying another.

In this case they have made a deal that will feed both of them with narcissistic supplies.

In the case where a partner has fallen for a narcissist and is unaware of their severe psychopathology, there is entrapment in the narcissistic vortex. This individual’s life and talents are eclipsed by the long shadow of the narcissistic spouse. Every time you think you are getting somewhere, you get sucked in deeper and deeper. Your confidence is constantly eroded, you start doubting your feelings and logic and the narcissist continues to do what they do best.

  • The narcissist takes you deeper and deeper into their delusional centre. 

Narcissists don’t have marital relationships since they are incapable of emotional intimacy or empathy, they display tremendous skill in impressing and court you to become part of their lives, whereas turning the tables on you every time you have an argument and or disagreement.

Have you ever been tasked to do something for them and you do exactly as they asked but they turned around and bluntly lied into your face to say they never asked for this or simply said, this isn't good enough despite explicit instructions.

TTI has no doubt you would have heard the classic:

I never said that
You are imagining things
Stop being so sensitive, its all in your head

Remember, everything can and will always be used against you, even the truth and or fact will somehow be twisted and make you the crazy & guilty one. Regardless of your 100% input into the tasks and or demands from a narcissist, it will never be their fault as their projection & deflections has no limits.

Everything is always your fault, everything is always about how you bruised their "feelings" and or making them feel, they will even say how condescending you are because you are telling the truth, even more so you are horrible to them because you will not let them walk over you and or let them to disrespect you. They will play the victim at all cost and say how you make them feel insecure and anxious, whereas they only wanted to be 'lovely" to you.

Let's face the fact, you will never 'win" with them as they are always one step ahead of you and the worst part is, being in a relationship with narcissist can be addictive.

Now you are probably wondering, why...?

A trauma bond is created over time and the victim in this dysfunctional relationship clings onto the hope that the narcissist will become the person who they once knew...

TTI describes this as an "Elastic Band Theory".

They will give you cold shoulder for weeks and or even months and when you finally put your thoughts together, prepared to leave them, they will then love bomb you in exact way as you remember from the beginning, caring and loving. This then sucks you back into their vortex.

Some spouses wake up, do the research about the narcissistic personality and they separate out from the narcissist, break through the vortex and move forward to lead their lives in psychological, emotional, creative and spiritual freedom.

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